Backlog/Stimuli/Grandiosity
I have a ton of CDs in my pile to review. I hate when I (have to) let things go for too long, because it gets to be such a pain to sit down and start the reviews. I’m also working on a new project that I want to keep low key about until I actually get somewhere near completion. It’s been something I have wanted to do for a while but have put off.
I have this habit that when I start on a project, art or otherwise, my mind just keeps going and mutations and offshoots of this project come to me rapid fire. I do edit myself as this happens, but I still get overloaded with new ideas. 99% of these things will never ever see the light of day of course, but it still happens.
I also need to work in a haphazard manner. If I feel too stifled I get nervous about what I am doing and it just fucks up. I also think far too grandiose in scale and execution and always outside my means be it space, ability and environment. This came up today actually as I was walking around Home Depot with AK. I was looking for some wood that I need for the thing I am working on and also looking at some option for one of those offshoots that I mentioned above. She commented on my horrible knack for not thinking about the limitations of our space to work on this project. After a bunch of “I know…I know… I know”s on my part I managed to put on my best art school reject manner and voice and drop a “chaos is my muuuuuse, man”, which of course made me giggle and her to roll her eyes.
This makes me think back to my college days, in particular one of my sculpture classes. When I first started college I was going as a sculpture major. I’ve always loved working in a three-dimensional form because there is a nice problem solving aspect to it. I came up with a concept that I only really half remember at this point, but it involved an installation. I was making these large masses out of gauze and plaster with some wire framing. They were, as I was envisioning them, large pockets of energy that were taking on a physical form. It was a snapshot in the process of their transformation and they were being trapped… anyway it’s hard to explain without going on and on a bit and I really don’t feel like getting into it. An integral part of the piece was going to be the location and the staging of them. I couldn’t find a free space in the art building that I thought would suit them so I decided, “hey! I can just build the space for them!” Great fucking idea. So now I just added a crapload of work and cost. So I decided to make this ritual space that would house them outdoors. I welded this beautifully ugly, Thunderdome-esque structure out of rusted rebar and then covered most of the structure in a gauze that I painted with a clear sealant. It was great. I worked throughout the night and finally was almost finished. I couldn’t believe that I was actually doing it and it was coming out very close to what I wanted. All until one of the worst storms of that year starts up. The wind whips up and because of the way I (stupidly) designed it the wind is able to get underneath the structure and catch the polyurethane covered gauze and the whole piece starts to lift up into the air. Since I was still working on it the piece wasn’t anchored down as much as it should have been and the structure goes up in the air, I jump up and grab the center of it from the inside and it is still getting pulled up so I let go. The whole thing goes a few feet in the air, the wind whips it up and backward and it crashes down into a mangled mess.
I nearly cried.
So where do the captured energy masses end up getting hung? In the fucking school hallway. Looking like shit. And I am a broken young man.